I believe in the malleable and evolving habit of trends. I also believe real labor is excellent exercise. If the former belief is applied to the latter, I reckon it won’t be too long before those fitness enthusiasts who have embraced activities like swinging sledge hammers and hauling masonry will take notice of my interest in beating rugs. I realize the optics are more domestic than woodsman, but I challenge any who scoff at the practice to beat a large Persian. I do all six of mine twice each year (Fall and Spring). It takes a full Saturday and when finished, my hands are blistered and my shoulders, abdomen, legs and arms are spent. The rugs, however, emerge refreshed.

The chore begins with the removal of furniture. Once clear, the rug must be rolled, folded and hauled outside. I use a combination of deck railings and outdoor furniture to suspend the rugs, but the ideal is a very stout rope between sturdy trees. A large rug will tear a clothes line from its moorings faster than you can say Turkmen. I prefer to do one at a time; this approach mimics the sets from a traditional workout, and when combined with all the furniture moving, hauling, unfurling, beating and replacing, the procedure takes on the effect of a circuit. Additionally, if you try to beat several rugs in a row, you will punch yourself out by the second rug.

The actual beating needs a few words. The perfect instrument for the task is a men’s lacrosse stick. I once chaperoned a class of third-graders on a field trip to one of those colonial villages. There a woman in a convincing costume gave a rug-beating demonstration with a delicate little wire racket. This was obviously a prop; it wouldn’t have lasted half-a-dozen real swings. The beater must have some heft, but also some sort of flared, racket-like end so as to maximize the impact area. I have never converted on the idea, but I have always thought a cricket bat with several large holes drilled into it would be a good instrument for beating a rug. You might have to get creative here; as it happens I no longer play much lacrosse, though my stick is still perfectly capable of clobbering things.

The dust that explodes in plumes with each strike is astounding. For this reason, you might consider a disposable particulate mask. You should wear unprecious work clothes and probably bathe shortly after finishing as the loosed wool fibers can irritate. People with allergies should probably stick to pushups etc. Consult the weather forecast; unexpected rain would be a disaster. A cool, windy day will not only be comfortable, but will help manage the dust. The rugs will also seem particularly fresh.

I don’t know if it is possible to accurately calculate, but I wonder how many calories are really expended in several hours spent as described above. Doing multiple large rugs is a grueling physical challenge. Unlike splitting wood, however, there is no neatly stacked evidence of labor. You will have to draw a sense of accomplishment from all that dust carried away on the breeze.